The Horror of Netflix: Mr. Jones Review

Scott and Penny quit their day jobs and move to a secluded cottage in the country in order to film a nature documentary. Scott soon realizes that maybe he didn't think everything through enough. His dream of filming a documentary is going nowhere fast and Penny is slowly getting angry that he's not working on the documentary.

A strange person starts to show up in the background on some of his shots. Scott and Penny go to investigate the woods and discover that there is a reclusive neighbour that they didn't know about living close by. They sneak into his house when he's not there and find strange sculptures everywhere that resemble scarecrows. Penny recognizes the scarecrows as the artwork of a famous artist named Mr. Jones. 

With their new found famous neighbour they switch gears on the film from a nature documentary to a documentary on Mr. Jones. This means the couple needs more photos and film from inside Mr. Jone's house or even an interview. Of course this is when things go off the rails for the couple. Mr. Jones is more trouble than they bargained for. 

Mr. Jones is yet another example of the popular Found Footage genre. It seemed like a mix of both Lovely Molly and Blair Witch Project to me. Now, I have to admit I am NOT a fan of the Found Footage genre. The shaky cam is annoying and they always seem to end with someone running and screaming through the woods. Blair Witch already did that years ago. We don't need to see it over and over again! I'm starting to wonder if these films are just cheap to make so they keep rehashing them with the same idea to save money? Besides that it ruins whatever scares there might have been in the movie by trying to make everything seem too "real". This movie wasn't scary at all. It wasn't even creepy! 

The basic premise and storyline of Mr. Jones was actually pretty good. I kept watching because I wanted to know more about what the couple found and what would happen to them. I was sucked into the storyline. However, the shaky camera work ruined it for me. It would have been so much better shot as a normal film. It could have become something worth watching again instead of the usual Found Footage crap. 

The actors Jon Foster (Scott) and Sarah Jones (Penny) do a fantastic job. Sarah Jones is a real stand out with her character. I would have liked to see something more with her character in the end. I would definitely recommend a viewing of this movie on Netflix. But I think it is just one of those films I will quickly forget about. 

2/5 skulls. 

5 Reasons why I Love Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

Certainly Freddy's Revenge is not one of the best sequels in the Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, but it by no means is the worst one either.

After reading an earlier article Posted on Horrormovies.ca about how Freddy's Revenge is one of the worst horror sequels ever made I felt compelled to list off a few of the reasons why I actually love Nightmare on Elm Street 2.

Time and time again Freddy's Revenge gets blasted for being a bad sequel but in fact it has great 80s practical special effects, classic Freddy Krueger lines, and even a scene where Freddy gets a kiss from a pretty girl!  I think Freddy's Revenge is one of those films that Horror fans will overlook any short comings because we love a good cheesy film.  And this movie is just that.  Cheesy in all the best ways.

Freddy's Revenge starts out with Jesse (Mark Patton) and his family move into the former home of Nancy Thompson from the first movie.  It isn't long before Jesse starts having nightmares starring the one and only Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund).  Jesse wakes up screaming every morning but his parents just claim he is on drugs.  Freddy makes it clear from the very beginning that he is trying to get Jesse to do his dirty work for him, which is quite different from the first movie where Freddy kills the teens in their dreams.

The Elm Street house becomes very hot for seemingly no reason and things start to melt and burst into flame.   Jesse eventually succumbs to being possessed by Freddy and a killing spree ensues.

The opening dream sequence

The opening dream sequence where Freddy Krueger is driving the bus into the desert is a work of cinematic art for a Horror film.  It is scary and suspenseful and reminds me of the first film more than any other scene in Freddy's Revenge.  Perhaps if Freddy's Revenge had more scenes like this one it wouldn't get so much flack for being a bad sequel.  An homage to the bus scene appears later in a horror anthology called Trick R Treat.

Homoerotic undertones

Freddy's Revenge has been scrutinized in the past by some horror fans claiming that it has homoerotic  undertones.  While I agree certain scenes seem quite obvious in hindsight, like the shower scene with the Coach, I am not completely convinced that the writer or director had that intention during filming.  The supposedly gay bar scene where Jesse runs into his coach looks more like a typical 80s Punk bar rather than a "gay bar" to me (even with the two men kissing).  But what do I know?  Even if all the innuendo was intentional, I think that makes the film more interesting and not just another typical 80s slasher.

Classic Freddy Krueger lines

Freddy's Revenge is full of classic lines like when Freddy says to Jesse... "you've got the body. I've got the brains." Also when Jesse finds the infamous glove, Freddy appears and says... "Go ahead Jesse.  Try it on for size.  Kill for me",   And during the pool scene Freddy opens his arms wide as if for a big hug and says... "You are all my children now".    Freddy is still somewhat serious in this movie and hasn't started spouting off all the corny one liners that will follow in later sequels that the character will be better known for.

The oh so 80s dance sequence

80s movies were full of cheesy dance scenes.  I suppose we have Tom Cruise in Risky Business to thank for that.  Jesse starts unpacking and cleaning his room.  Ofcourse he has to put on the radio and some silly sunglasses and dance like he is stripper for this job.  Even if it is cheesy as hell, I am the first to admit that every time I see this scene it makes me smile!

The pool party scene

Freddy finally lets loose with a killing spree when he shows up uninvited to a pool party.  One guy at the party even tries to tell Freddy to "just calm down and relax".  But Freddy doesn't take his advice.  The pool starts bubble and boil cooking the teens in the pool.  Freddy comes to life in this scene and in the real world he is vulnerable.  It is an unforgettable scene and has one of the best Freddy lines in the whole franchise.

To be perfectly honest, even after listing all my favourite bits of Freddy's Revenge, I still have some reservations with the film.  In every scene that Freddy appears in, it is made perfectly clear that Jesse is the one actually doing all the killing.  But my question is: If Freddy can kill in people's dreams why does he have to possess Jesse in order to kill?  And why in the "real world" does he look like Freddy instead of Jesse to all his victims if they aren't dreaming?  And finally there just isn't enough blood in this sequel.  The first film was brutal with its kills.  Unfortunately Freddy's Revenge just doesn't live up to the original in that respect.  Even with all its flaws, I still enjoy this movie thoroughly every time I see it.  There's no denying it is one of the better sequels in the series.

The Truck Review and Interview with Lee Vervoort

Roger and Alice are a young couple in love.  Roger decides to surprise his girlfriend by taking her on a road trip in his classic car.  Not thinking clearly, Roger accidentally tosses a bottle at a passing truck. Unfortunately for Roger the driver is not in a forgiving mood and begins a deadly game of cat and mouse with the young couple.  Now Roger and Alice must fight for their lives.

I am lucky enough to know a very talented filmmaker as a regular on Horror-Movies.ca, Lee Vervoort. In his second independent Horror Movie, The Truck, Lee has decided to take to the road by bringing us a car movie that is set in the 80s. Lee's first film, Gun Town, was a fan favourite at HM.  The Truck stars John Morris and Rachelle Christine as Roger and Alice. And also Tim Emery and Andy Grace as the sheriff and his deputy.

I love a good car movie. Give me a chase scene with a cool classic car and I am a happy girl! The Truck does just that. It is full of old fashioned car chases and a hilarious shoot out. And at a budget of only $6000 it pulls off the look of a much more expensive film. The movie is full of interesting characters that play off each other well and there are several familiar faces returning from Gun Town. My only complaint was that the movie ended way too soon. I would have liked to have seen more key stone cops style hijinks from the sheriff and his deputy.

Lee has graciously agreed to answer some questions about his micro budget horror movie for me. Here is a behind the scenes look at making an independent car/road horror movie and some of the challenges he faced while filming The Truck.

DG- Have you always wanted to do a car movie? What inspired you to make this film?

Lee- Yes I have. I Love car movies. All of the classics like DUEL, The Wraith, Christine, The Car, etc. have always inspired me.

DG- What are the challenges involved in making a road movie? Did you have to get any type of special permission to film on the street?

Lee- There are safety challenges all the time. Everyone must understand what's going on at all times and have a clear head. I made the local Sheriff's dept. aware of what I was doing and most everyone in town knows me, so it wasn't hard to film what we needed.

DG- I loved seeing the classic cars in the film. Can you tell us what make/models they are and if you had to modify them in any way in order to film them?

Lee- The "Truck" is a 1980 Plymouth Trailduster with a 413 big block. The car was a 1970 Ford Fairlane 500 with a 302 V-8. The Camaro was a 1973 Z-28 with an after market 383 "stroker" engine. It was Extremely fast. The Cadillac was my personal car. It's a 1989 Sedan de Ville with a 4.5 liter fuel injected V-8 and front wheel drive. No modifications were needed for driving them, although I had to buy a new carburetor for the truck because the old one kept clogging up.

DG- You make a cameo appearance in The Truck as Captain Leadfoot. Can you tell us more about the character and the racing that he does with Roger?

Lee- Well, Captain Leadfoot was an extra character who's purpose was to appear in a badass muscle car. I wanted that in the movie to raise production value. I couldn't find anyone who has a car that was willing to be in the movie, so when Jimmy came along he said I could go ahead and drive it since he knew me. I went ahead and played the part myself because I wasn't about to let any actor drive a 30,000.00 muscle car.

DG- Roger and Alice are a cute young couple in love. Being married to a car guy myself, I didn't quite get why Alice was so against Roger's passion of car racing. Can you tell us more about their relationship?

Lee- Roger and Alice were the perfect "80's couple" for the film. Alice was more of a girl who wanted to accelerate into a more stable relationship with a solid future. At her stage in life, she didn't mind the racing thing, but it wasn't exactly her cup of tea. Roger being young and wild, wanted to make a career of it.

DG- My favourite characters in the film were the Sheriff and his deputy. They seem to have a great on screen rapport. Are the Actors good friends off the screen as well?

Lee- Yes. Tim Emery and Andy Grace have known each other for years. They naturally gab like that with each other. They are very good friends and work very well together in any type of film or theater project. Andy especially has always had the dream of being in movies, that dream has come true.

DG- The stunts were great. How difficult were the car stunts to film? Did you use any type of special camera or other equipment to film the driving scenes and who did most of the driving?

Lee- The vehicle stunts should have been much more than what they were, but I'm happy with them considering the time/budget we had. There was no special equipment really, other than the home made mount Jim Dougherty constructed for the side of the truck/hood of car shots. It consisted of pvc tubing and suction cups like they use at auto body repair shops. I did most of the hard riving. Chad Fuller and Glen Hecker filled in where needed.

DG- Since I own a classic car myself, I know that they do require some maintenance. Did you have any "technical difficulties" while filming? And if so, who was your mechanic?

Lee- Yes indeed. The Fairlane dropped the pin that held part of the shifter linkage together. I kept putting bolts in it's place to keep filming. They kept falling out, so I replaced them several times. The truck carburetor had to be replaced, so I did that as well. I did the mechanic work and it was all on the spot.

DG- There were some great locations in this movie (like the warehouse). Where did you find a town that was willing to look deserted for a film? And did you have to modify any buildings in order to make it work?

Lee- The locations were awesome, all of them. The abandoned town, Lafayette, Ky. was a ready made set. It's stuck in time with old buildings and such. There was no modifications necessary. All we had to do was block traffic once in a while. Mayor Francis granted us permission to do what we needed. It helped that I have known her for 20 years, lol.

DG- This film looks like it would be a lot of fun to work on. How much did you enjoy creating it and will there be a sequel in the future?


Lee- This film was a blast to work on despite some of the weather we had. I planned for 2 days of bad weather and we had 4. It was fun though. The fact that it was a road horror/vehicle movie made it all worth it. A film like this hasn't been made in a while and we wanted to give the fans something to enjoy, they are the most important reason for everything. Yes, if we do well with this one and acquire the proper funding...there will definitely be a sequel....and it will be 10 times more action packed than this one.

Nightmare Castle (1965) Review

Poor innocent Jenny has married a psychopathic Mad Scientist and moved into a castle of nightmares that is haunted by her late sister, Muriel, and her lover, David.  Jenny's new husband, The evil Dr. Stephen Arrowsmith, tortured and then murdered his ex wife and her lover when he finds them making love in the greenhouse.  In a fit of jealousy, Stephen ties the lovers up and then electrocutes and burns them with acid. After they are dead he removes their hearts so that he can cure his own lover, Solange, of a disfiguring disease.

What Stephen does not realize is that his wife's fortune passes onto her sister in the event of her death.  So Stephen then has to court and marry the sister, Jenny, in order to carry on in the lifestyle he has grown accustomed to... A huge castle, his own laboratory, and his now youthful and lovely assistant.  Stephen Brings his new bride home to the castle.  Unfortunately his plans all go out the window when the restless spirits start haunting the very emotionally fragile Jenny. She quickly goes mad from the stress of it all.  

Scream Queen Barbara Steele plays the duo roles of  Muriel and Jenny.  The two characters couldn't be more different,  Muriel is conniving and adulterous, while Jenny is sweetly innocent and mentally unstable. This duality creates a perfect venue to showcase the talent of Ms. Steele.  Barbara Steele is best known for her striking good looks and grace in The Pit and the Pendulum, where she co-starred along side Vincent Price.   Nightmare Castle was directed by Mario Caiano and was originally filmed in Italian but has been dubbed over in English.  The DVD version I own is uncut, but when this film was originally screened in the US, all the best scenes were cut out of it. In fact 20 minutes was cut out from the Italian version because the torture scenes were considered far too risqué for american audiences.

Nightmare Castle and The Whip and the Body are good examples of classic Italian Gothic Horror that pushes the limits of the sensors of the early 60s.  In a lot of ways these movies were way ahead of their times for the torture and sex that is depicted on screen.  The Gothic scenery is beautiful with exquisitely decorated Victorian rooms and the leading ladies are dressed in ruffled and corseted dresses of the time.  The Castle is charming and creepy at the same time, with carnivorous bleeding plants, dark shadowed corners, and cobwebs.  Even though the movie is beautiful to watch, the dialogue and storyline is a little far-fetched at times. 

In the end, Nightmare Castle is a real treat for Gothic Horror Movie lovers that love the scenery and costumes but for those who don't know and love the genre might find it a little slow and tedious.

The Conjuring Review

I always love a good ghost story that is based on a true haunting.  The saying goes that the truth is stranger than fiction and this is definitely true in the case of the Perrons.   In The Conjuring, The Perrons, a close family of seven,  Carolyn, Roger and their girls Andrea, Nancy, Christine, Cindy, and April all move into a beautiful farm house in a rural picturesque property by a lake.  They bought the farmhouse at auction and don't know anything about the history of the house.  As soon as they arrive strange things start to happen.  All the clocks stop every night at 3:07 am (The witching hour).  While playing a game of Clap and go seek, one of the girls finds a hidden doorway to the cellar filled with antiques from the previous owners of the house.

April finds a small jack in the box toy hidden in a tree on the property.   The smallest girl, April starts talking to an imaginary friend named Rorry, whom she claims can only be seen through the mirror on the Jack in the box.   Another game of Clap and go seek leads to a strange discovery in an antique armoire in one of the girls rooms.  The Father of the girls is a long haul trucker and has to leave on an extended business trip, of course that's when things start to escalate around the house.  After several sleepless nights in the house,  the family seeks help from professional Paranormal Investigators, Lorraine ( a clairvoyant) and Ed Warren (a Demonologist).  The Warrens are well known in the Paranormal field and come to stay with the family in order to help.  The Warrens tell them that there is a demon attached to the family and they must contact the Vatican for permission for an exorcism.  And in order to get permission they must show proof of the possession.  And so the Warrens and the Perrons set up house to catch a demon by installing cameras and recorders all over the house that only trigger with a sudden drop of temperature.  They are hoping to get a few snapshots of the ghosts or demon.

The Conjurring is a classic ghost story directed by James Wan who also brought us Saw, Insidious, and Dead Silence.  The film pays homage to older ghost movies like The Haunting, The Amityville Horror, The Changeling, Burnt Offerings, and Poltergeist without outright copying any of them.  What makes The Conjuring different is that it focuses not only on the family but the Paranormal investigators.  The film has a slow and deliberate build of tension but is never boring.  There are a few jump scares along the way but for the most part the movie relies on old fashioned scare tactics and practical effects.  This is the type of ghost story that I love.  I always find myself doing research on the real story behind the movie.  Usually Hollywood takes a real story and changes it dramatically to make it scarier, but in this case the real story was just as frightening.  The biggest surprise to me was that the doll named Anabelle is real!   If you don't already have a fear of dolls, you might just develop one after watching this movie.

Now, I am one of those people that have seen so many Horror movies over time, that they no longer scare me.  This is something I truly hate!  The big scare is what drew me into the genre to begin with.  I love the adrenaline rush of a truly scary movie.  Besides jumping a few times, I didn't find The Conjuring very scary at the theatre.  I emphasize the theatre part, because late that night when I went to bed,  I kept imagining or perhaps dreaming that someone or something was trying to grab at my legs!  So those of you that are easily scared may have a few sleepless nights with the lights on after watching The Conjuring.  But, those sleepless nights are what being a Horror Geek are all about, so enjoy the thrill of the scare.

Evil Dead 2013 Review

I fully admit that when I first heard there was a Evil Dead remake in the works I felt the exact same way most old school Horror fans did:  Oh no!  not another remake!  Then word started to get out that Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell were on board as producers and that the film was not going to rely on CGI but use practical effects instead.  So I slowly started to come around, and think maybe this is worth checking out.  By the time the trailers were released, I was sold.  In fact, Evil Dead became my most anticipated film of the year.  

The original Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 are genuine cult classics with a huge following of devoted fans.  Think about it...How many lines can you recite from those movies?  I bet you can even recognize the most obscure screenshots from them too.   So why mess with a classic that is so universally loved by the fans?  Why not come up with a new concept instead?  Why keep remaking movies that we all know and love inside and out?  We fans seem to enjoy picking apart and analysing the remakes when they come out and naturally comparing them to the originals.  But, the thing is...the remakes will never live up to their originals.  The original movies are a product of the times they were made in.  They are a snap shot of an earlier time that we look back on with nostalgia.   The other inherit problem with remakes is that most of the time the actors in them have gone on to become cult heroes.  This is especially true with the Evil Dead movies.   Let's face it Bruce Campbell is practically a God in the Horror universe.  So who is going to fill those rather large shoes?  Even with all of  that running through my head, I thoroughly enjoyed the remake.  I decided to go into the theatre with an open mind and leave all my prejudices behind me.

Evil Dead starts out with a group of twenty-somethings going to a family cabin in the woods.  Unlike the original movie, they are not there for rest and relaxation.  Instead, they are there to help a friend kick her Heroin addiction.  She ceremoniously declares that she is starting a new life and dumps out all of her stash.  However, her friends are hesitant to believe her because they have been through all of this before and failed.  This was a rather clever addition to the storyline because when she starts to see Demons, naturally no one believes her and blames her behaviour on the withdrawal process instead.  It also means that they have committed to staying for the long haul or until she breaks her habit.  It doesn't take long for the group to discover the Necronomicon in the creepy basement, and against their better judgement the nerdy guy opens the book and begins to read the incantations.  By the time he realizes his mistake, it is too late to get out.   

There are several reasons this remake is well done.  First, it is gory as hell!  Even more so than the original was and the effects are very well done.  It is by far the goriest movie I have seen in wide release at my local theatre.  Second, there is no humour to lighten the mood.  It is a straight up old-fashioned Horror movie.  A roller coaster ride of blood and guts.  But don't get me wrong, there are very few outright scary scenes.   Third, there are several Easter Eggs from the original movies sprinkled throughout.  If you are an Evil Dead fan, you will enjoy picking them out when you see them.  Several scenes and props are reused from the originals, but they are all slightly tweaked or changed a bit.  Like the writers did a shuffle between all of the characters,  resulting in a very interesting mix.  Things just don't quite line up the same way as before.   However many of Raime's original ideas are there... the Chainsaw, the shotgun,  the tree rape scene, and even the Oldsmobile.  

The one part I found a bit strange was that I kept thinking of  Cabin in the Woods during several opening scenes.  Yes, I realize that CITW was spoofing Evil Dead, but the characters were eerily similar.   However, the dialogue was lacking in comparison to CITW.  

As a whole, I thought Evil Dead was an extremely clever remake.  It paid homage to the original movie without copying it exactly.  Even the gore was over the top and cringe worthy yet still not exploitative like some of the more recent torture porn movies.  The remake updates the story while remaining true to the Indie, low-budget feeling of the original.  All of this makes it a must see for the big screen in my opinion.  So get to the theatre because the Deadites are calling for you...

Warm Bodies Review

Forget everything you know about zombies.  None of the normal Zombie rules apply in Warm Bodies, except that they still enjoy some tasty brains for a snack.  Warm Bodies is about Zombies that drive, collect classic vinyl, talk,, and fall in love.  Yes I said fall in love.  Essentially Warm Bodies is a Romantic Comedy with Zombies thrown into the mix.  A classic tale of Romeo and Juliet.  Two star crossed lovers from opposite sides of the tracks. There is even a balcony scene where "R" comes to rescue his Juliet.   It has the classic elements of a romantic comedy which makes it perfect for a date night.   There is even the required makeover in it.  It is sweet, romantic, and will make you smile.

Warm Bodies focuses on the daily life and routine of a zombie simply named R.    We follow R as he shambles through a zombie infested airport that he calls home.  He even has a friend called M that he attempts to have a conversation with daily.  R has flashes of memories of when he was human, but he can't quite remember everything from his former life.  He lives in an airplane and collects vinyl records that he enjoys listening to every night.  Maybe this is why R is able to change the way he does?  Doesn't music calm the savage beast?

When Julie and a group of friends break into the airport  in order to find supplies, they are attacked by R and other Zombies.   R falls madly in love with her from across the crowded room and saves her from being eaten by the other zombies.    He takes her back to his airplane home, and they get to know each other.  But Julie has to go home eventually and let her Father know that she is alive and well.  She knows she can't take R with her because her family will kill R without asking questions.  A bullet to the head.  Love story over.

Even though Warm Bodies was fun to watch, I am not going to say I absolutely loved it.  It definitely had it's flaws.  It was pretty silly and you really have to tell your brain not to over analyze it while watching it.  And yes there are some of the typical Zombie movie metaphors in it.  One scene not so subtly reminds us that we act like zombies already on a daily basis.  How many of us walk around with our faces buried in our cell phones?  Not noticing the world around us?  Only communicating through texts and tweets?

Warm Bodies even adds on to the Zombie mythology by attempting to explain why Zombies love to eat brains so much.  Return of the Living Dead gave us a little bit of an explanation from the half Zombie Lady on the table...When Ernie asks "Eating brains, how does that make you feel?"  "She replies it makes the pain go away"  Warm Bodies explains why it makes the pain go away because it also makes Zombies feel more alive.  This was one of my favourite parts of the movie.

If you are a hard core purist when it comes to Horror or Zombie movies then this is not the film for you.   There is hardly any gore or even scary parts to be found here.  I knew it was going to be a light comedy going in so I took one of my non- horror friends to see it and we laughed and had a good time the whole movie. The whole story line is pretty much ridiculous but that is what made it so funny. I mean really...a zombie driving a car? a zombie collecting Vinyl? Kissing a Zombie after he just had brains for breakfast? Pretty ridiculous actually. If you don't take it so seriously and you just might enjoy it.   But it isn't Twilight either.  Recently, I keep seeing this comparison all over the internet.  Which just confirms my suspicion that all the people that don't like this movie, haven't even seen it yet!   I suggest you go and see the movie and form your own opinion on it.   No Warm Bodies is not going to ruin the Zombie genre any more than Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, or Deadheads did.  It is just another extension to a very popular genre...the Zom-Com!   If you enjoy a light comedy filled with a lot of laughs then enjoy!

  

The ABC's of Death Review

I love a good Horror Anthology.  The anthology has been making a comeback lately with the success of V/H/S.   In fact it is one of my all time favourite types of  Horror movies.  So, when I heard about The ABC's of Death last summer, I was very excited to see it.  In fact I tried to get tickets for it at TIFF last summer but it was already sold out.  Along with the Lords of Salem and John Dies at the End, It was one of my most anticipated movies for the TIFF line up.

For those of you who don't know what it is about, it consists of 26 short films by different directors.  Each director was given a letter and $5000.   He or she had to come up with a word that describes the death depicted in their segment.  In theory that sounds like a great idea that any Horror fan would love.  26 unique death scenes all strung together by some of the best directors the genre has to offer.  Unfortunately that is also where the movie falls flat.  Because there is no theme or even any story line to tie them all together, it just comes across as a jumbled mess.  Even all the different styles of directing create too much unevenness throughout.

This movie proved something to me.  Gore alone is not what makes a movie good!  The story line and characters are really what matters most in a film to me.  I think it was an interesting concept but I hope it never is repeated again.  Instead give us well written anthologies with a good wrap around story to finish it off.

Now I am not saying there weren't a few segments I thoroughly enjoyed.  There were a couple that really stood out for me.  The quality of the shorts vary from really good to really, really bad!  Here is a run down on the 26 segments...

A is for Apocalypse by Nacho Vigalondo-  About a couple facing the end of the world together.  One of the best segments in the film.

B is for Bigfoot by Adrian Garcia Bogliano- A couple teach their child to go to bed early.

C is for Cycle by Ernesto Diaz Espinoza- Didn't make a whole of sense to me?

D is for Dogfight by Marcel Sarmiento- Entertaining and well done even without any dialog.

E is for Exterminate by Angela Bettis-  God how I hate spiders!  Made my skin crawl.

F is for Fart by Noburo Iguchi- Silly over the top Japanese dream sequence about farts.

G is for Gravity by Andrew Traucki- Made me a little sad actually.

H is for Hydro-Electric Diffusion by Thomas Cappelen Malling- Funny and definitely weird!

I is for Ingrown by Jorge Michel Grau- Torture Porn

J is for Jidal-geki by Yudai Yamaguchi- Samurai Torture Porn?

K is for Klutz by Anders Morgenthaler- Animated and kind of cute.

L is for Libido by Timo Tjahjanto-  Pretty disturbing on many levels.

M is for Miscarriage by Ti West- More toilet problems...seems to be a theme.

N is for Nuptials by Banjong Pisanthanakun- A cute story about a parrot and a couple getting engaged.

O is for Orgasm by Bruno Forzani-  Pretty disturbing on many levels.

P is for Pressure by Simon Rumley-  A woman and a small kitten.  Ok... this one just pissed me off.  WTF??!!

Q is for Quack by Adam Wingard-  Two guys and a duck.  Pretty funny turn of events.

R is for Removed by Srdjan Spasojevic- Maybe a metaphor for directors?

S is for Speed by Jake West-  Sci-Fi action with pretty girls and guns.  One of the better segments

T is for Toilet by Lee Hardcastle- Claymation and and toilet...need I say more.

U is for Unearthed by Ben Wheatley- Shaky cam Found Footage involving Vampires.

V is for Vagitus by Kaare Andrews-  Sci-Fi action movie that was interesting.

W is for WTF? by Jon Schnepp- Funny psychadelic and definitely WTF?

X is for is XXL by Xavier Gens-  Actually one of my favourites of the film.   It has a political feminist statement that speaks to most women.

Y is for Youngbuck by Jason Eisener- Kinda feel sick after seeing that one.

Z is for Zetsumetsu by Yoshihiro Nishimura-  Just weird!  I don't know what more to say!

So to sum up my thoughts on this film....  I would just skip this mess of an anthology and watch a classic one like Creep Show, Tales From the Darkside,  Mario Bava's Black Sabbath, or any of the Amicus ones from the 60s and 70s.  Take your pick, they are all good!

  

If A Tree Falls Review

Four friends (Siblings Brad and Lisa and friends Vanessa and Will) head out on a road trip to a family reunion in Eastern Canada.  They stop along the way to camp for the night at a beach side campground, but they have no idea they have been followed the entire time by a mysterious gang called the Nylon Heads.
After a fun night of drinking too much, the group settles down and goes to sleep.  The girls are soon awoken by strange noises outside their tent.   In a scene straight out of Blair Witch, the girls are terrified, crying, and clinging to each other as someone shakes their tent from the outside.  They muster up enough courage to make a run for it.


The Nylon Heads eventually show themselves and proceed to torture and kill the campers one by one.  I was left wondering who are these Nylon Heads and why did they follow and attack this group of people?  Unfortunately the film never answers that question.  Much like in the higher budget film, The Strangers, the reasons behind the violence is never fully explained.  It seemed as if this was intentionally done by the writer to create a mystery surrounding these characters.


The best scenes in If a Tree Falls were the ones in which the violence seemed real. The scene where Brad is being slapped and tortured seemed very real and uncomfortable to watch as well as a shot where Will is being held over a fire that genuinely made me flinch.    If anything I think the film could have gone even further with the violence by pushing the limits with more disturbing scenes like those evoked by older exploitation films.


I enjoyed all the Grindhouse references like the 70s style credits and the gritty and scratched look of opening scenes (as if they were old and well used film reels).  The 70s style score and soundtrack added to the exploitation feel and was a nice touch.   The cinematography was very well done with beautiful shots through the trees in the woods and an interesting 70s psychedelic look to it.   The acting is some the best I have ever seen in such a small budget film, which helps the audience to feel more sympathy for the character's plight.


If a Tree Falls is meant to be a homage to the exploitation/ Grindhouse genre of the 70s.  Films like I Spit on Your Grave, Last House on the Left, The House on the Edge of the Park, Deliverance,  and Thriller, a Cruel Picture are all examples of some of the best the exploitation genre had to offer in the past.  The violence and cruelty was over the top in all of those films and yet they are memorable because the characters were very well developed and interesting.  Also all of those films had a reason for the violence at the end which usually included some sort of revenge.   Personally, I would have loved an ending like that in If a Tree Falls as well.  If there was some sort of revenge ending by the character that survives it would have been a much more satisfying ending for me.


If a Tree Falls is a film that brings you to the edge but doesn't quite toss you over.  Considering this film had a budget that was in the hundreds not thousands, I think it was very well done and worth a watch for any exploitation fan.

Mama Review

Mama tells the sad tale of two pretty little girls, Victoria and Lily, that are left all alone in a secluded forest cabin by their Father.  It seems their Father has just killed several people including their Mother.  In the aftermath of his crimes, which are never actually explained,  he kidnaps his two young daughters and drives them to this deserted cabin on a snowy mountain pass.   The girls are left to their own devices and soon become feral.  They are discovered five years later living in filth, scampering around on all fours, and barely able to speak a word.  The only reason the girls were able to survive as long as they did is because they were never actually alone.  Even as their Father was walking up to the Cabin, little Victoria kept saying that there was someone else was there with them.   A spirit, the girls call Mama, has been feeding them cherries and moths while looking after them the whole time they were lost.


After the girls are found, they spend a short time in a mental hospital before they go to live with their Uncle Lucas.  Lucas never gave up looking for the girls after they went missing.  He spends all of his money and spare time trying to find his nieces.   Luke and his girlfriend, Annabel,  move to the suburbs to give the girls a better home.  Annabel was very happy not to have children of her own, but when the girls show up she takes on her role as caregiver very seriously.  She gives up everything she had including her band in order to raise the girls.  In fact, that is one of my favourite parts in Mama is watching how Annabel evolves from a punky rocker chick into a caring and fiercely protective  "Mother" at the end of the film.


The story goes that Guillermo Del Toro was so impressed with the 2008 short film Mama by Andy Muschietti that he signed on to become executive producer and turned it into a full length feature film.  Guillermo said the short was essentially one of the scariest littlest scenes he had ever seen.


Even though there were some major plot holes and I suspect a deleted scene or two, I thought the story was pretty straight forward with no big surprises to be found.  The girls were exceptionally creepy when they keep appearing out of no where.  However, there were far too many jump scares and not enough real horror to be found to make Mama a great Ghost story.  It is one of those movies that was interesting to watch but completely forgettable also.   We see the CGI-laden Ghost far too often to make the movie truly scary. Perhaps the power of suggestion would have been better in a ghost story?


Where the movie really stumbles and falls is the ending.  It just didn't make much sense to me.  I understand the trend lately is for an unhappy ending or an unexpected twist, but there never was a WTF? moment.  Instead it was a bit of a let down.  Mama was a nice slow build up of a classic ghost story up until the last ten minutes of the film.


If you like creepy little kids that scurry around like feral little monsters popping up unexpectedly or overprotective ghosts seeking closure, you just might enjoy Mama.  It comes across as an effective and creepy thriller.

The Lords of Salem Review

Rob Zombie has really outdone himself with The Lords of Salem.  The film plays like a throwback to the psychedelic satanic Horror Movies of the early 70s.  The movie starts out with a slow build getting to know the lead character, Heidi.  Heidi, played by Sherri Moon Zombie, is a recovering addict that works for the local radio station as a DJ for a popular late night radio show.  She lives in Salem, Massachusetts, which is famous for its witch trials during the 1600s.

When Heidi arrives at the radio station for her show she receives a demo record from a band called The Lords.  Thinking the album must be from a new and upcoming band, the DJs play it on the show.  When the sound goes out over the radio, many local women go into a trance, very much like when the tape is played in Evil Dead!  Heidi has severe headaches when the album is played and from that point on starts having hallucinations.  There are many flashbacks to the 1600s, when a coven of witches were having their Sabbath or Black Mass, dancing around a fire nude, praying to Satan, and playing music.  The local Salem Authorities catch all the witches and put them on trial. Found guilty of witchcraft, they are burned alive at the stake.  While dying, the leader of the coven curses her accuser, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and all of his ancestors.

Heidi lives in a historic building with an older lady that lives in the apartment below her.  She invites Heidi for tea with her friends, but right away you can tell the older ladies have something to hide.  Heidi starts a slow decent into madness after hearing the Lords of Salem album again.  And that’s when we get the flashbacks to the ancient evil witches and their strange satanic rituals.

Sherri Moon Zombie does her best acting to date, but she is still no match for the older scream queens that play the witches…Dee Wallace, Patricia Quinn, Judy Geeson, and Meg Foster steal all the scenes.  Meg Foster and Dee Wallace especially shine in their roles.   One of things I like about Rob Zombie is that he casts a lot of familiar faces from the horror genre and Lords of Salem was no exception.

Lords of Salem has a real art-house artistic feel to it, which Zombie’s previous films did not have.  There are several shots that remind me of classic Argento films like Suspiria.  The use of colourful architecture and background scenery is almost like another character in the film.  The movie was visually stunning and it owes a lot of its influences to classic Horror films like The Devils, The Sentinel, Eraserhead and The Shining.  The only part of the film I was not all that keen on was the psychedelic ending.  It just seemed out of context, but maybe I will like it better on a second viewing.  It also had way too many gratuitous shots of Sherri Moon’s backside which was a little distracting from the storyline in my opinion.  Unfortunately, I don’t think Lords of Salem will appeal to the general public and will probably not get a wide release the way his previous films did.

In the end, I think this movie will get very split reviews from horror fans.  If you can appreciate an art-house independent horror film you will enjoy it.  If you prefer a grindhouse style gory action movie, you will hate it.  I am sure this movie will surprise and divide Rob Zombie fans.  Up until now, Zombie has earned a very well-deserved reputation for films that push the limits of good taste.  For the most part I have enjoyed most of his films (yes, even Halloween 2!) For me, Lords of Salem showed that he is not a one trick pony when it comes to his writing and I really appreciate that.  I highly recommend you go and see it when it comes out and form your own opinion about it.

The Loved Ones (2009) Review

Lola, a quiet loner,  works up the courage to ask Brent to the School Dance.  Brent lets her down quickly and politely because he is already planning on going to the Dance with his long time girlfriend, Holly.   Brent is racked with guilt over the accident that caused the death of his Father six months earlier.  He wears a razor blade around his neck and cuts himself on a regular basis to remind him of the pain and guilt that he feels about his Father dying in a car accident while Brent was driving on a country road.

Unfortunately for Brent, Lola doesn't handle rejection very well.  She is Daddy's little princess and usually gets anything and everything she wants, and right now she wants Brent.  Lola's father kidnaps Brent and brings him home for his little princess to do with what she will.  Lola is looking for her Prince Charming among all the frogs in High School and none of them seem to measure up to her Father.  After  Lola decides a boy is not good enough for her, she likes to torture them with knives, power tools, or anything else she might find around the house.

The Loved Ones is a strange mix between an 80s Romantic Teen Comedy and a Torture Porn movie.   This unusual combination makes for an extremely  unique and different kind of  Horror Movie.   It was quite beautiful to look at with pink dresses, glitter, and a disco ball during the Dance scene.   But don't be fooled into thinking The Loved Ones is all pretty girl stuff though,  there are some real cringe worthy horrific moments to be had as well.  The pretty prom scene is in very sharp contrast to the brutal torture that Brent has to endure from Lola after she has decided she doesn't want him anymore.

Lola is the type of girl that blends into the background at school.  The quiet girl that sits in the corner or the Teacher's pet that gets straight A's.  She hasn't quite grown up yet and she is looking for her version of the Perfect Prom King.  It's as if she watched too many Disney movies when she was a little girl and no boy can ever measure up to her high standard.   Lola and her Father have a very unique and close relationship though.

What Lola failed to plan for , was Brent's addiction to pain.  No matter what she seems to do to him, he has the strength to endure.   If anything it spurns Lola on and makes her even more vindictive and vicious towards Brent.  The moral of the story seems to be don't ignore the quiet girl in the corner.  It's always the quiet ones in the end that you have to watch out for.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (2012) Review

In the opening scene of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter we see a very young Abe Lincoln rush to the defence of his good friend, Willy,  who is being beaten by a Slave Trader named Barts.  Abe's Father, who works for Barts, ends up joining in the fight.  Barts is extremely angry that his employee stood up to him and demands full payment of a debt owed to him.  Abe's Father refuses to pay, so Barts tells him there is more than one way to collect a debt.  It turns out Barts is a Vampire and sneaks into Abe's house that night and kills his mother with a single bite.

Nine years later, Abe  swears revenge on Barts and tries to kill him with a bullet through the eye.   Barts, being a ruthless vampire, survives and completely over powers Abe and very nearly kills him.  At the last moment, Henry steps in and saves Abe and explains everything about the Vampires.   Henry asks Abe to join his cause to rid the world of Vampires.  Henry then trains Abe to be a Vampire Hunter.  Abe's weapon of choice is a silver plated Axe, that he wields like a sword.   Abe can chop through a tree with a single blow from his Axe.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is adapted from Seth Grahame-Smith's popular History/Horror mash-up novel of the same name.   In the original novel,  The story is told through the long lost journal of Abe Lincoln.  It mixes real factual American History of the late President with supernatural Vampire fiction, an interesting combination to say the least.   If you can manage to suspend your disbelief at the absurd storyline, Abe Lincoln has plenty for a genre fan to enjoy.  I was expecting a light hearted movie, but actually the story is told very straight forward and serious.  In fact I don't remember a single joke being uttered, even though the story line was a perfect set up for one- liners.

Despite all  it's short comings, Abe Lincoln was really campy and fun to watch.  The action scenes are completely over the top but well done, especially the Train scene.  Lincoln comes across as an axe wielding Van Helsing character instead of the real  "Honest Abe"  from the History books.   The 3D seemed to add to the big action scenes but I don't think the film really needed it.  The CGI enhanced Vampires looked good, but I would have preferred old school fangs instead.  The over the top effects on the Vampires seemed out of place in a historical drama, but maybe that's just me.

If you are looking for a Grindhouse style movie like Hobo With A Shotgun, you won't find it here.  Abe Lincoln seemed more like a mash up between Wild, Wild West and The Matrix and came across as a "Steam Punk" movie.  There were plenty of slow motion action scenes and blood spurting from axe wounds.  Also there is a very cool action scene with Abe riding on the backs of wild horses while dodging horses being thrown at him by the Villain.  If anything Abe Lincoln is a completely original idea and not your typical Vampire story and for that I am very grateful.